Off Rice !

For some time now, i have been off rice. I can see the eye brows arch and the quizzical looks come up your face. In yet others, i know ‘there-is-no-limit-to-fibbing’ look on faces. You know, my weight has been bothering me for a while now. Yes. One of those numbers.
But hey, the essence is this : I really am off rice. That is a Himalayan peak to climb for a Southerner like me. Who believed that Eve felled Adam with rice. And the Western world chose to call it apple, because it would be easy to hold !

Today, when rice is served on the lunch counter, i turn away with a speed that would shame a north Korean missile. Lest i change my mind. The change of mind does happens Occasionally. But OCCASIONALLY. OK ?

To stay away from rice is a huge struggle. And that is an understatement. Rotis and Brown Bread can sound fancy to the health conscious world and the dietitian, but nothing comes close to ploughing your fingers through Sambhar laden rice.

And it is in such times, that i feel that the world conspires to test my resolve. It starts with the person at the lunch counter serving food at the office canteen. “Sir, some rice for you. It goes well the Dal”. And i look at him with a ‘when-did-they-find-that’ http://healthsavy.com/product/topamax/ look, hoping that he would stop right there. He doesn’t. And you know what happens.

And now you have branded rice. This is a huge sack of rice. Yes. Raw rice, to be more precise to be cooked. In smaller instalments. Thank God for small mercies. This brand of rice is called.. ‘Golden Pari’ ! ( Golden Fairy). And has a bollywood heroine in dream sequence, with wings et al, as a brand logo.

Ok. Ok. a nameless Angel. OK ? And she is a symbol of purity. I see it as part of a global conspiracy. To test my rice resolve.

Yes sure. The women that i hold dear have used my alimentary canal as additional artillery. Well, I mean, my missus, mother and mother-in-law are all golden paris….. But you know, rice has stayed mainstream.

The problem really, is the pleasure in eating more and not knowing when to stop. There is a sudden urge to throw the chap who connected rice and carbohydrate to G20 protesters. Huh.

Rice. Rice. The damn thing sits for two minutes on the lips and for a life time on the hips. Sigh.

And No. I am not giving up. I am still off rice.

Yes Minister !

I read this in the morning, along with breakfast. It was in a way ,a little too much ! It was indeed a strange feeling !

Here was an article from a new biography of Condolezza Rice. On how Pakistan Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz tried his best to impress her with “…rich baritone and charm”. While the entire article was amusing, i could have expected this getting written of a school / college boy trying his stunts. Not of a Prime Minister on the Secretary of State. That too of Pakistan on US, respectively ! Huh !

Sample this.

Aziz tried this Saville Row-suited gigolo kind of charm: Pakistan is a country of rich traditions, staring in Rice’s eyes,” the biography’s author, who is Newsweek chief of correspondents and senior editor Marcus Mabry, wrote”

“There was this test of wills where he was trying to use all his charm on her as a woman and she just basically stared him down. By the end of the meeting, he was babbling,” the newspaper quoted the author as writing.

All this is supposed to have happened in March ’05. Read on. “He bragged to Western diplomats, no less, that he could conquer any woman in two minutes,” says the biography “Twice as Good Condoleezza Rice and her path to power”, according to Pakistani daily Dawn. Huh !! HUH !

well, well, what could have been the objective ? Pakistan is afterall, already the trusted ally ! Give him more arms (pun not intended)? Well, whats with Ms. Rice ? I cant figure that too. But more importantly, i would like to figure out what kind of ‘rich traditions’ the Pakistanis have of staring in the eye and flooring people. If you have insights, please do share.

(I can only think of Saeed Anwar and Venkatesh Prasad staring into each others eyes in Bangalore ! But then,there again, it was Saeed Anwar who was floored). What could it be ? By the way a minister in his cabinet quit her post because a fatwa was issued against her. Because she happened to hug her para-glider coach who helped her para-glide for a good cause !

I wonder what the talibs, mullahs and moral police of the world are going to do now. Somebody just stopped milli inches short of labelling the Pak PM a gigolo. A Saville Row suited gigolo at that! Maybe they would force beards. Ban Saville Row. Ban English. Ban Baritones. Ban Condoleezza Rice ?

Or simpler. Ban rice !?!

I have for some time been wondering as to how George Bush could wink at the Queen, and be stared at for some time by Her Majesty !

Now i know. Perhaps !