Malware !

“I want this job”. How many times has that feeling visited your gut ? In recent times.

Ok. Lets keep out Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan emerging out of water with…. hmm hmm… guns. No, thats not part of this brief.

That feeling hit me. Recently.

In the middle of a swank mall, a group moves about. Carrying advertisements on their back. For a brand of chewing gum. The product is inconsequential, for they could have been promoting toilet cleaners or dry cleaners. The important element was a certain rhythm in their motion !

When i saw them move, i thought I would like that job. You may wonder why.

It was simple ! I would get to see SOME sights. Mall sights !

Of uninterested husbands digging into their blackberry as though it were a device that was stopping planet Earth from imploding. The eager boyfriend variety who buy ( & carry ) the basket to the bread.

The wailing kid who rolls on the ground for everything from the sun to the shoe rack, and test the sound proofing of the Bose showroom.

Sights of eager diners. Chomping on a mix of Mexican curry and malai kofta with etiquette sounding like a bad word in a foreign language. The girls with looks that would kill and the boys with hairstyles that tantamount to murder.

How wonderful will it be. To walk around the mall and NOT BUY !!! No guilt at all. A clear bonus with some exercise for the legs ! That would be a clear bonus. Hmm. I want that job. Really !

Perhaps i will befriend a nice store sales girl who could let me in on intricacies of managing a large store and attendant problems. Of discounts and devious customers. Serious fraud committed with a straight face. Am talking of the discounts here ! The schemes and the scheming !

Wouldn’t it be plain wonderful. To just walk around a mall. Floor by floor. In a formation, that’s befits a fighter pilot squadron. A squadron with no intention of bombing territory or even planning very valorous actions, like piloting the President.

Wouldn’t it be fun to gloriously walk around. Aimlessly soaking up the sights. Following the chap ahead. With whole world as the audience ! The world inside the mall that is ! .

Perhaps in a corner, i might even spot a wistful nitwit. Clicking snaps of cauliflowers and the corner store on a mobile phone.

Bemused look, balding head and bulging middle not withstanding, pontificating on garbage and trophies with an air of a Somali pirate, holding a Saudi oil tanker hostage !!

One look at us walking the floor with the ads on our back would perhaps cause him to wonder about state of the human kind. Able men doing an aimless job. A job that was relegated to the realms of steel, vinyl and lighting of the advertising billboard !

Such types cant get a clue of the fun. Or the pocket money that it gets us. Walking the mall. Selling some ware. The sights, sounds and smells of mall-ware !

22 thoughts on “Malware !

  1. Nu says:

    excellent wish..nothing to worry about performance grievances..all T&C cleared and settled right at the beginning..salary fixed so hikes expected..number of hours fixed..what a life..and the sights..the mall sights that you have mentioned come in the form of bonus 😉

    Good,Good !! May be these people are creating working option for our future 😉 What say ? LOL

  2. Nu says:

    on a serious note I think it’s a brilliant marketing idea with a bit of social service..that is providing employment..only that there should not be under aged children involved in this work…

  3. ♥ Braja says:

    Do you get coffee breaks, and is there a Starbucks?!

  4. ♥ Braja says:

    Do you get coffee breaks, and is there a Starbucks?!

  5. Kevin says:

    A picture is worth a thousand words… but in this case it looks like far less was sufficient.
    The uninterested husbands, eager boyfriend, wailing kid, eager diners, “girls with looks that would kill” and “boys with hairstyles that tantamount to murder” .. and.. finally mall-ware !!!

    I really liked these descriptions.

  6. Malware ? Or spyware ? Its Adware !!!

    Anything to lessen the load of those in the family whose backs are permanently bent. At counters. In kitchens, sewing machines, desks or banks. And so bravo to the chewing gum generation.

    And possibly a nudge from a practical missus, to the person, imagining Pierce Brosnan in Tur Dal wars, lurking around taking pictures of cauliflowers in repose. At Rs 20 a kg, someone needs to rush there ….

  7. G says:

    the first thought that came to my mind after seeing the picture is the monotony of the job. I see people standing at traffic signals holding banners. I feel really sorry for them. As for you and me, a break from the sedentary occupation that we are in, it would do good. 🙂

  8. The grass is greener on the other side…I am sure, they were looking at the mall-ware wistfully, wishing they could buy something instead of being a spectacle trying to sell something.
    Thoroughly enjoyed reading your post…the descriptions were interesting…I could actually see the weirdo clicking pics of the cauliflower! 😀

  9. Congrat on finding your oasis.:)

  10. Jeevan says:

    A rare wish, but i like u different view on hanging ads and the opportunity it provides.

    I’m doing better fine now buddy 🙂

  11. Neha says:

    your ambitions in life left me wondering the second time…ur childhood dream was to become a traffic police, and now – those ad-man; so what if they don’t own the company; they are still men behind advertising those products.. and you want to be one of them, roaming around the malls without feeling guilty of not buying anything..

    and then there is traffic police; controlling it all..hmmm 🙂

  12. Neha says:

    and ur narration – there are people who want that skill like you want that job..

    I am taking the liberty to call my one and only self “people”

  13. in other words you want to make a velai out of vetti !


  14. Standbymind says:

    It is an interesting idea though!!

  15. Swatantra says:

    Ha ha.. I had a smile on my face while reading this post.. Specially on husband digging into phone..

    Nothing more could be a beautiful narration than this…

    and good luck for this job.. am sure u will get it..

  16. nsiyer says:

    Unknowingly lot of us carry a lot of such ads about ourselves on our backs. Others are able to see those while the self is unaware.

  17. I can totally relate to your thoughts. In the process of achieving our goals, we don’t have to lose sight of the purpose-of-life. I envy the small-scale entrepreneurs (petty shops to pizza hut franchise). It is an independent life….

  18. Dear Kavi,

    Where does one apply for this job which seems to be a perfect one for a man of my age?

    I’m serious!


  19. Lou says:

    This job is mindless, no stress, and the heart gets a bit of a work out. What’s wrong with that?!? LOL

  20. Kavi says:

    Nu : I think this sure is a work option for the present itself ! Why go as far as the future!!!! 🙂

    Braja : I am not sure about the Coffee breaks. Although, i am sure there must be some. But there sure are a few coffee stores. Not as expensive as Star Bucks. And yet as swell. And taste is a relative thing !

    Kevin : Thanks Kevin !!! 🙂

    Ugich Konitari : You bet. At those prices, the tip over has to be there. For sure. The practical missus is ubiquitous by her presence, bringing such persons down to Earth in a jiffy. And yes, the chewing generation gets a few things its way too. Mall-ware is one such ! 🙂

    G : Sedentary occupations seem to require a large dosage of mall-ware ! And leg work. Perhaps the traffic signal poses sights that is not visible to us. Perhaps its a good idea to stand at a signal, and watch the world go by. And get paid for it ! Seriously ! 🙂

    Destiny’s Child : You could see the wierdo ! Well, well, well. Then this post is indeed something ! The grass is always greener on the other side. Always. Thanks for the comments. It sure puts a fire in the engine. To know that you enjoyed it thoroughly ! 🙂

    The holy lama : welcome here. And you truly speak like the Lama ! My oasis in the desert thats called a mall ! 🙂

    Jeevan : Great to hear that you are doing fine ! Get better faster !

    Neha : What connecting ! What connecting. I didnt think of those connections. Thats typical of a lawyer ! Isnt that so !?! But then, seeing you make the connection makes me wonder as to what pushed me in this direction. In the first place !!!! Hmm ! Thats some exploration i need to do !

    My skills ! Thats generous of you ! Thank you ! 🙂

    Sundar : Velai and Vetti are synonymous. In the modern day mechanical world ! 🙂

    Standbymind : Yes sure ! It is ! 🙂

    Swatantra : Seems like the husbands digging into the phone is a worldwide phenomenon ! Thanks for the generous comment !

    NS Iyer : That was very philosophical ! I understand the load better now ! 🙂

    Praveen : Independence and freedom ! These are the essence of life and living. When thats pawned, well, everything is constrained indeed !

    VSP : Sir ! Sir ! Sir ! 🙂

    Lou : Absolutely. Theres nothing wrong. Theres everything thats alluring ! 🙂

  21. amreekandesi says:

    All this is fine…but i suspect the charm of a mall romp might wear off if you roam around all day with a billboard tied to your back.

    Add to that the stares, the back ache, and the tired legs!


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