A Love Marriage in the family!

Back home, a cousin of mine has married someone of her choice. Much against the wishes of all around her. You can imagine the high decibels and sound bytes this singular act of “sacrilege” can do! If not anybody else, atleast the phone companies will be laughing their way all the way to the bank. Read on..

Many animated jaws would have opened and stayed open. Others would have just refused to stop.(over the phone, if not in person ) The parents are in pain. I guess the couple are in some sort of pain too. In some way. Brings to focus what this business of marriage in India, is all about. Yes. It’s a business these days. In the garb of culture and social mores!

So, I hear of people threatening to beat up the guy. And the guy threatening to retaliate. The cops have been informed. And they are on the job now too. As though, they had nothing better to do. The plot has obviously thickened. (I am not kidding)

I thought all this happens only in Tamil movies and the Tamil news channels. Like some cyclone affected village being surveyed by a chief minister and umbrella holding ministers. This time, it appeared that the cyclone had crossed the shore, closer home. Uprooting firmly established norms, and leaving a trail !

The girls got married, for godsakes. She is young. Educated. This is a free country. There are thousands of things that people can do to keep them occupied! And not wag tongues and impose thoughts. In the modern age of supercomputers and micro processors, macro importance to misinterpreted values in the garb of culture will continue to hold us down.

When will we learn. When will we know.

Your children are not your children

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

15 thoughts on “A Love Marriage in the family!

  1. shark says:

    Marrying someone of your choice is still not readily accepted. And what with 100s and 1000s of caste/creed/sects etc etc… the situation is chaotic to say the least.

    But then, it is definitely improving… I am sure you can see the difference between 10 years back and now… so in another 10 years it will change more 🙂

  2. KK says:

    Good post. I too have been thinking ofwriting on this. I dont understand why society is more important for parents than their kids happiness?

  3. Keshi says:

    thats so stupid. I cant believe ppl still do that kinda thing. revolting!

    They r in love, they r married, so let em be for christsakes!

    ***You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
    For they have their own thoughts.

    Love that!

    **You may house their bodies but not their souls,


    Where did u get this verse from? So very true and so very beautiful.


  4. indianangel says:

    Well said Kavi! People are not broad-minded enough to understand and appreciate the love between two souls. Very nice post, hope we dont continue this tradition and forecefully thrust to our kids tomorrow! 🙂 For its always easy to talk, but when it comes to the self its tough! 🙂

  5. life imitates art.. art imitates life..

    at least this is not happening in UP.. know a friend who had to escape with the girl and settle in the south because his dad sent hired goons to kill them both !!

    and you are telling me that the south isnt any different..


  6. Anonymous says:

    At one end there are these sons and daughters longing for their dreams.

    At the other end there are these dads and moms who firmly stick onto what’s best and what’s not for the sons and daughters.

    The problems arise when the dreams at the two ends do not intersect. And the end result would be pain. Pain at both ends.

    I guess the pain component could be erardicated by proper and constant communication!

    I don’t come across too many families were the moms and dads are considered to be friends by the sons and daughters and vice versa. I strongly believe such a set up would not see such problems and sudden shocks!

    Not a dad yet. So again, that is more of a wishful thinking! 🙂

    A happy ending could be dreamt of if both of these ends understand the thoughts/dreams of the each other and keep constantly communicating.

    I know its simpler said than done! 🙂

  7. priya says:

    Thaz vedery sad to hear kavi. Why not people accept the truth and let them live. I think if they have mor eproblems, they shud face the human rights or women activist for more help.

  8. V N says:

    What a sensible post, Kavi!!

    I wish things would change, at times, but its a slow process, I guess….


  9. Swatantra says:

    Hi Kavi! Your thoughts are very nice!!You are going to be a great Father!! May GOD Bless you and the family!AMEN!

  10. Kavi says:

    Thanks for the comments.

    Shark : Yes. There is a sea change of a difference between what the scene was ten years back and what it is now. I hope it continues to improve at a more rapid pace

    KK: Thanks ! Sometimes, when we are so dependent what the next door neighbour will say, we put ourselves and our loved ones to pain. Case in point !

    Kesh: Yes it was revolting. I had to ask my mom to repeat the whole thing, many times over just to take cognizance of it all. The passage was from my favourite book The Prophet, in the chapter titled Children. Its a must read book by Kahlil Gibran

    Prasanna: Yes, it is easy to talk. But if one has enough of conviction the take off will be smooth, when the rubber meets the road !

    Sundar: The south is perhaps a shade less violent. But that is a very light shade ! Sad, but true !

    Kamz: You speak as the wise old one ! You are right and you have a point. Do think about how long can this madness last ? You make a brilliant points on treating parents as friends and importance of communication. couldnt agree with you more !

    Priya : First things first, am unable to post comments on your blog. Dont know why. Its very complex and perhaps the kids have a way of hoping that they would get together with their folks again soon.

    Velu: YOu are bang on when you say its a slow process. As long as things are moving, well there is hope for the future

    Swatantra: Thanks for the compliments ! The credits should go to my parents, who were keen on widening my perspectives !

  11. Jeevan says:

    Children should understand their parents; no parents will be against their children’s wish, if their parents have true love. If the marriage was love marriage, it should be done with the permission of parents, orals it’s the pain for both.

  12. SamY says:

    heyy, came thru keshi’s

    that was a lovely quote in the end 🙂 … brilliant and befitting the context

  13. Kavi says:

    Samy: Welcome here ! Appreciate your comments. Kahlil Gibran is profound !

  14. ahhh…such is the pain of life, the suprises of the world. We can stomach the crap they throw in tv but not in real life. Had this moments and more in my family cirle and am practically immune to it. In nature, everything tends to be chaotic and yet organizes. That is what they call organized chaos, the wanting of life to seek perfection through the jungle of opinions and challenges of society.

    All well ends well I hope.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Kahlil Gibran 🙂

    my favorite poet/philosopher.

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