A humvee ride !

Here i am. At what they call a ‘hyper market’. I like this place. * And no, this post is not sponsored. I like this place because it is here they give me this big, sturdy shopping cart. A cart that i can push around.

Now, pushing around isn’t something that comes naturally to me. But, it is some fantasy that i have, that i will be able to push people around at home, as well. And this shopping cart is as close i have get to. So, you see, i look forward to the trip to this place.

This cart is ‘beefy’. That’s an adjective, i am told of recent origin, to describe a muscular object. So, John Abraham in Dostana is said to appear ‘beefy’. Coming back to this cart, there are other things that i like.

The combination and mix is neat. There is just about enough steel, and there is a muscular plastic. With some real sturdy wheels. Wheels that carry consumerist India’s weight for the well heeled. Or perhaps, the well wheeled !

And then there is this smooth flow of the cart on the tiled floor. Just as you push your choices around ! The noise, the smooth screech when you deftly navigate the stacks of brands is so invigorating !

But the ‘icing on the cake’…or ‘cherry on the pie’ or ‘lubricant in the engine’, are these: There are no doors to open. No keys to insert. No belts to wear. And no permissions to seek. No lights to stop at. No honks to listen to. No ‘one ways’. No potholes. No police man. If this is not freedom, what is ?!

With this happiness coursing my veins, i look at my fresh set of wheels today. With a heady rush, i start off. I push around with gay abandon. Taking sharp turns and making screeching halts. Throwing in an odd packet or two into the cart. (Lewis Hamilton may like it, but i particularly don’t like undue attention you see).

The only squeal i hear occasionally, is of the missus. With a look of disdain and disapproving disappointment, she seems to have disowned me. And stands afar, like another shopper. And when nobody looks, makes these sweeping gestures imploring, requesting, ordering, threatening etc, asking me to stop right there. Today, a rare, new found courage keeps me going.

Suddenly, an empty stretch. There are stacks of cookies on either side. And a 20 meter freeway straight ahead. I mentally rev and go for it. At the end of the ‘freeway’ i take a blind turn. Suddenly, right before me, appears a beautiful lady. With her cart. We almost collide into each other. With instincts that would qualify me to compete with a Video game specialist, we stop. Our carts, separated by fifty percent of a quarter of an inch.

She smiles an impish smile. I smile too. There are a thousand butterflies that fly. In all these decades of driving on the road, no woman, has smiled at me when i was at the wheel. Not one. (From the outside that is. For purposes of calculation, a smile from the seat beside, is …well..disqualified).

My love for my cart and this hyper market shoots through the roof.

She is panting as well. I realise. Before your imagination goes haywire, i must hasten to add that the panting is because she has been wheeling around. Just like me. And then, with a smile, she says, ‘ I have to entertain my son you see. He likes these rides’.

Ah. Explanation..but where is the son ? She points to the cart. And in a jiffy i see him. Seated right inside that beefy cart. My smile has a greater impish quotient. She has a ‘son-in-the- trolley’ as a reason. And i have three packets of potato wafers. I rankle my brain for a smart one liner. Or two liner. Or whatever. And the boy starts crying. Off she goes.

Some time later, i am billing those small quantities. The cashier seems to give me an odd look. Perhaps he is thinking, ‘so much of wheeling for this scrap’ ! I couldn’t care. And then, i spot the lady. Billing in the next lane.

And right behind me, i hear a voice. A gruff beefy voice. “Why do people think of these shopping carts as military armoured cars ? Is this a Humvee, huh ?!” I don’t turn my head. With a innocence plastered arrogance, i assume that that comment was for that lovely lady. And anybody who heard. Not me.

I look at the lady from corner of my eye. And i see her looking ( glaring) in my direction. And then discover, that glare is not at me. I think that the glare was reserved for the gruff voice. That proved it. That comment was for the lady.

Coming home, i look up Humvee and discover that it stands for “High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle”.

Of course. Of course. Of course. It is high mobility. And serves many many purposes. I want to confront this dude with the gruff voice.

I sure will return to this store. And to my Humvee ! Only to give that gruff voice the right perspective. Nothing else.


( Disclaimer : I hold no shares, share no interest, and the only place that i visit every week is my in-laws and the local temple. Not this place. So.)

11 thoughts on “A humvee ride !

  1. Actually, in your possibly singular obsession with pseudo accidental collisions with beautiful women ( as you manoevered your potatochip powered Humvee), you didnt realize the existence of the HASWA (High Awaaz Singlepurpose Walking Attachment…….).Not to worry. These guys are known to be spoilsports. Its probably more instructive to collide with a kid careening around on this cart like a scooter.

  2. manju says:

    I’m glad you enjoyed your adventures with the shopping cart, Kavi.

    Though I’m not surprised that your better half disowned you there!

  3. Suma says:

    so! boys will be boys?

    so perhaps the movies can feature this venue as perfect for the ‘boy meets girl’ moment 🙂

  4. Braja says:

    Kavi, you’re hilarious…when I saw the title I was thinking, “Where is he, there ain’t no Humvee’s in India!!” This was truly funny….

  5. G says:

    That was totally funny! 🙂 Next time I walk around with the cart in Hypermart I am gonna think of your post. 😀

  6. There Kavi, You have given Rakesh Roshan/ Karan Johar & the likes another brilliant location & sequence, so far unexplored…

    But it does feel good to be a kid once in a while, right?

    Brilliant post yet again.

  7. nsiyer says:

    Kavi, I like the sequence. Lovely lady,you looking at her from the corner of your eye, she looking(glaring) in your direction, you not likng the gruff voice since it was directed at her in a rough manner, and then finally you resolving to return to the store to give the gruff voice the right perspective.And finally the words ‘ nothing else’ and ‘really’. I see meaning in the last two words ‘ nothing else and really’.

    Kavi, finally, you be a fiction writer.

  8. Yaya says:

    Ha ha! Have you been drinking and shopping carting again?
    tsk tsk! That could mean a 1 month ban from hyper markets…

  9. Kavi says:

    Ugich Konitari : As usual, you have the last word !! HASWA !!! Wah ! Wah !!

    Manju : Yes. Its been a long drawn process for me to get accepted into the household !! 🙂

    Suma : Ah..Yes. Boys. And their toys ! The boy meets girl moment seems like a plausible suggestion..psst..you mean, i can really claim royalty or something..

    Braja : Thank you ! Shoprite Hyper has the original Humvee ! Just take a test drive !

    G : Thank you ! You mean, you are sure lined up for a test drive..!! Just be careful at the turns. It takes some practice getting used to ! 😉

    Random Thoughts : Thanks Rashmi ! It sure does feel mighty good. And that plot bit…well, i am seriously thinking i can claim some royalty from some director who will film this sequence !

    NS Iyer : Sir, you see through !! 😉 And i will stop with that. With the new found tag of fiction writer, you know i can go a good fair length ! Thank you !

    Yaya : Hic ! Hic ! One month ! Hic !!

  10. Jeevan says:

    That seems like a fun ride with carts! Its interesting how could be the ride, even that lady and her son likes playing with it.

  11. Sahaja says:

    haha….I am still laughing!! Awesome style man!!

    came here thru Manju’s blog 🙂 Nice place out here 😀

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