We are like this only !

Quite a lot of water has gone by beneath the bridge. Infact, under many bridges of the cricketing world. And i have watched it with feelings ranging from intense anger to complete amusement!

I think it was GB Shaw who wrote about cricket as a sport played by 11 fools and watched by 11 thousand fools. ( am not sure if i got that right, but i can distinctly recall something to that effect being said)

In the list of 11 fools he obviously did not include the umpires, the third umpire, the match referee, the boards, the ICC, the press. So, that number has changed. And of course, the other ‘11,000 fools’ …that in todays terms will be the number all the security men posted at matches !! So, it is much more than a game ( as many of my friends have argued). Yes sir. To GBS, it would be idiocy at its heights !

For some strange reason every time i saw Ponting say ‘we play cricket like this only’ i recalled Quick Gun Murugan belching : We are like this only !!

That started the trail..!

And whenever i saw the crowds burn up effigies of poor Bucknor and Benson, i saw quick gun Murugan gleaming through the effigies and saying “We are like this only”

And when Mike Proctor gave that sentence with aplomb, i saw quick gun Murugan appear in James Bond style and say “We are like this only”

And when Ricky Ponting said ‘My parents have been threatened’, guess what Quick Gun Murugan thinking came to my mind : Yes. We are all like this only !

So, QGM ( Quick Gun Murugan ) kept occupying my thoughts

a. when i read that Sachin Tendulkar sent SOS ( SMS) to Sharad Pawar.
b. when Sharad Pawar said ‘back off’ to ICC
c. when ICC withdrew Bucknor
d. when Malcom Speed said ICC wont be at the mercy of BCCI ( just before packing of Bucknor)
e. When a few million trees were cut and the lively hood of many wild animals & apes ( just being careful. Hopefully, ‘ape’ is not racial slur) destroyed in the making of newsprint made to write about all of this !
f. When all cricket administrators gave interviews to hungry news channels on ‘national patriotism’ (sic)
g. And so on.

The list is endless ! I am not sure where all this is headed. If it is headed anywhere at all !

And i guess this comedy circus will continue for some more time. In the meantime, my motto has been to have some fun at the expense of all of this. No matter what. So, when CVR forwarded this stuff, i thought it was a must share.

New cricketing words that have crept into lexicon.

Ponting: (n) (adj)
A substance or entity or even a person of unquestionable integrity
An act of uncivilised behaviour. [Also, pontingness (n)]


The judge was driven towards justice because he knew that the pontiff was a ponting.
Sir Bonkers said, “Don’t try to bully me. I surely can fathom the pontingness in your eyes”.

: (n) (adj)
1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious.
2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

3. Situations leading to grave judgemental errors.

Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss; Life often throws a bucknor at you.

Benson: (n) (adj)
1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor.
Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast.

Also see bucknor

What to do !

We are like this only !

PS: Hopefully soon all of this will end. And our focus will be on governance, better quality of life, reaching out, greater connectedness, true sportsmanship, environmental protection… I am talking like another of those fools. Aint i ?

What to do. I am like that only !

SPAM anyone ?

Have been having pretty trying times at work.

And to spice it all up, Murphy keeps visiting me via the mail box. Through numerous mails which advertise a variety of stuff. From used cars. To Books. Training Programs. Kitchen Utensils. Toys (of all kinds). Electronic equipments. The list continues.

I used to religiously delete these mails. But now, their intensity has grown by leaps and bounds. Some are so very well camouflaged that i end up opening these. And therein lies the rub. More than the content, it is this passage at the end of the mail that works me up.

“Since India has no anti-spamming law, we follow the US directive passed in Bill 1618 Title III by the 105th US Congress, which states that a mail cannot be considered spam if it contains contact address / removal information, which this mail does.”

Well, a patriotic Indian that i am, i am distraught that we dont have an anti-spamming law. We have the likes of Mandira Bedi, Bipasha Basu… The nukes. The best film makers, politicians, judges, lawmakers, cricketers ( sic) The best…of everything. But no anti-spamming law ! Unfair !

Ok, so whoever asked these folks to adopt an American Law ? The folks that run America, well, they dont stand for me or Indians like me. (Neither do the folks that run India, but thats a different story). The 105th US congress decided that all this junk is not spam ? Just because some nitwit got my email id ? Come on 105th Congress !

I am seriously considering suggesting to some wisecrack in the higher echelons of power to do something about this. Pass a tit for tat law in India. The first step is to find out what the US doesn’t have a law on.

And then pass a law here. And then send mails to all and sundry saying “US doesn’t have a law against this therefore we follow Indian law on this subject, vetted by a district judge, passed by parliament and rubber stamped at the presidents office.

I am thinking of subjects like “kissing on stage, Artistic Expression, Reading of newspapers in the loo…..” Huh !

Ok. Am Feeling better !

A friend of mine passed this info to me that SPAM actually stood for “Shit Posing As Mail” and / or “Stupid Boring Annoying Messages”. Which was promptly contested by another colleague. In the end we came to know there are some 90 billion SPAM messages sent everyday. 90 billion. Holy Cow !

And some of course with disclaimers like ” he guys don’t have a law in your country. But we follow the law of Great Western USA or South Eastern Timbuktu or wherever, ratified by his highness PC Sorcar, the magician and therefore this is legal..

BTW, i have got a comments on this blog that i have discovered to be spam. Later ! Intelligent comments. I thought i was alone and was the chosen one. I was wrong. Sample this.

God. May you spam them. All of them. All over.

I chose “You Cant Touch This” by MC Hammer. Well, no explanations. You just cant touch this.